Gone But Not Forgotten....AKA Balancing Act

OK, so I have been gone for a while, but I hope not forgotten.  Am desperately trying to balance my new lifestyle of exercise in with my home, leisure and work life.  And is it ever tough!   Today after work and after the gym and after the laundry, dinner and dishes, I caught up on some of the blogs I follow.  One of my favorites is The Tippy Toe Diet.  The author, Cammy, is quite motivational and apparently on her way to becoming famous (couldn't resist Cammy!)  for her success at losing a ton of weight and motivating others to get on the path to better health and fitness.  Anyway her post from August 26th was on Motivation to Move.  She asked her readers what motivated them and I posted my comment on her page.  But when I re-read it I realized it was hearty enough for a blog post of my own.  So I stole my own comment bac kand re-posted it here  (with spelling errors correct--I think lol):

I’m laughing at myself right now as I think back to the not so many weeks ago when my daughter drug me out for a walk–I hated it, but I did it, and the next day and the next….hating every single step, forcing myself to to go on with teensy-tiny goals. Get to the mail box, now that crack in the road….OMG I have to get back home… But I had to do it, I had to get healthier and lose some fluff. Than I found a gym…again, forcing myself to go…proving to my husband that IT WAS NOT as passing fancy as in the past. Now, 6-8 weeks later am a total exercise junkie! Like you, if I don’t go I get incredibly irritable–just ask my family.

Not sure what motivated me other than the absolute need to get healthier and fit and a very pushy daughter! I had become a sloth from almost 9 months of unemployment to another 3 months off for surgery just after returning to work . Everything was hard!  Just getting to the bathroom. Now, I have to work on NOT OVER DOING! Am trying diligently to find balance in getting my workouts in now that I am back to work almost full time and not over doing…

I don’t know people, the thought of exercising horrified me before…way too much effort. Now, I love it, gotta have it!! Cammy’s inspiration and words of encouragement have helped too. Good to have some outside support that’s not too close to home! I close with one of my daily motivators:

No one saves us but ourselves.

No one can and no one may.

We ourselves must walk the path.

                    —Buddha

And walk I do!!!  And lift and started jogging!!!!

Strangely Disoriented

Yep, that about sums up where I am at the present time. August 9th marked my return to work after being off almost 3 months after having girlie surgery. However, work and other responsibilities are particularly irksome to me at this time. I am struggling to find harmony in my humble life now that I am back to work. Oh my, I am so elated to be working again, but am also finding myself quite anxious to balance work time, family time, and gym time and dishes (doesn’t anyone in my household know how to do dishes!?) Guess I am out of shape in more ways than one! My quests for improved health and fitness, as well as financial stability are proving to be a bit stifling to my family and even me to a point. My family now cringes when I walk through the door still in my work uniform and not my gym clothes. And I am torn between taking on another patient for the day and having no time left over to get to the gym.

Enter the “Exercise Nazi” as my daughter now calls me. Truly folks, as I recently said, I have become totally addicted to exercise. That’s all I want to do—exercise! My dear husband asked me the other day if I was going to the gym before I came home and I told him definitely. His response was, “Good! Maybe you won’t be so crabby!” You see, in my first week back to work I only managed to get to the gym three days instead of my normal six. This week I’ve made three days so far and plan both Saturday and Sunday (though really dislike Saturdays as gym is packed.) Now that I am thinking about it, maybe, I will only go one day this weekend if at all. Let me explain.

I have learned a valuable lesson in my quest of finding balance…sort of, as I find my body and perceived lack of progress frustrating. I say perceived, because it is simply just that--this crazy, self fabricated notion that I should be stronger, have better stamina and be thinner---NOW! After all I am working my ba-tootie off! The harder and more often I workout the better the results will be is (was) my mind set. And when I can’t get to the gym, I get cranky and I feel tired. Just like any other addiction I have withdrawals. But, this crankiness and fatigue may also be attributed to something else, which brings us to my most recent epiphany. The lesson learned is that of over training or over exercising. It is NOT pretty! I have learned first hand that over training syndrome is not just for athletes. Over training effects even fluffy women!!! Hard training breaks you down, makes you weaker and leads to excess fatigue and irritability. While our bodies need to work hard to get stronger and fit, they also need adequate rest to allow the physiological adaptations to occur.

Now, you would think that being a physical therapist I would “know” about over exercising and that I would exercise responsibly and correctly. Well, yes and no. I use the appropriate principles everyday in my work. Problem is, I’m me…and things like that don’t apply to me. Yeah right! Just like most of us, there is something out there that makes us believe “it won’t happen to me.” Ummm...yeah, it will eventually if we don’t heed to everyday common sense, safety and precautions it will happen to you—you will get that speeding ticket, you will cut your finger while slicing onions....

This is what happened. Before I started back to work I went to the gym one day and started my routine. I struggled, really struggled during almost all my lifting work. Where the day before I was leg pressing 300 lbs, (my legs are strong, my upper body suck!) this day I could barely press half that. Same with everything, I had to cut back the weights by 30-50% and cut down on reps. Thirty minutes on the tread mill was impossible, after just 10 minutes I thought I was going to keel over. OMG what’s wrong with me! I left the gym that day frustrated and defeated. I took the next day off, but when I returned, I had to cut back on the weights again! I must be getting sick I thought. So I took the next two days off to rest and sleep before I went back to work. Still no clue as to why I had this decline. After my first day of work, I eagerly hit the gym once again (so proud). But that Monday, was different. I could do a little more than the last time I was there. So Thursday came and I pushed harder yet, almost back to where I was before I took that nose dive. And Friday, guess what!? I was back in the same darn boat I found myself in just the week prior. I could hardly lift anything again and the tread mill was like utter torture. I came home exhausted and in tears. WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME!?!?

That night I took a long hot bath to soak away my frustrations when, literally the shampoo bottle fell and hit me in the head and knocked some sense into me. I have been OVER TRAINING! So this week I have adjusted my routine—cut back the weight and the reps, slowed the treadmill down, increased my rest between sets…and have done much better, am feeling good again. Next week I am going to shoot for 5-6 days again, but at a lower intensity.

The old age saying of “use it or lose it” still rings true, but using it too much can result in the same loss. We all need to remember to find the middle ground, to push hard, but not overdo. We need to allow our bodies time to adjust and to heal—indulge in exercise with a healthy balance of push and rest. But above all we need to (OK I need to) remember that the changes I want will not happen over night! So, give it all you got…but do it safely and with proper balance of push and rest!

Mini Bio and Stuff

A little about me as I have yet to make time to do my bio! First I must say--wow, I blow a couple days off and now I can't stop!!!!   Ok, here we go.  I am a physical therapist for 25+ years. I have worked in most all the physical therapy settings throughout my career. I am a neurology and sports medicine nut! In the more recent years I have taken a special interest in adult and pediatric bariatrics (treatment of obesity). And because the American Physical Therapy Association does not yet have a specialist certification in those areas I have been pursuing national board certification to become a strength and fitness certified personal trainer through the National Council on Strength and Fitness (NCFS).  More on NCFS a little bit later.

OK, so why haven’t I sat for my boards yet. I am ready, very ready…but….and not an excuse, but more of a I would like to be a bit of a better example, a better reflection of what the world at large sees as a personal trainer. I don’t want to be like my mama used to say when I was little—Do as I say, not as I do-- type of trainer or even therapist! I know, I know—I should be accepting of who I am no matter what—I am working on that! So, maybe, now that I am working again (yes, today was my first day back!) in a couple months I will sit those boards! In the mean time I am going to continue to work on becoming more healthy and fit!

Bit random here tonight… But speaking of not being “that kind of therapist” I must say that now that I am on the path to wellness I certainly do appreciate the hard work my patients put forth. And with new eyes and understanding will be a bit more compassionate to their complaints that it’s hard and it hurts. Have recently learned that first hand! Also, in doing my own training, it has reminded me of better and more efficient ways to exercise them as well as myself—the same concepts in the gym can be used in the therapy room—don’t know why I forgot that!!!!

OK last word on the NCFS: NCFS is advocating universal educational and skill set standards for all personal trainers. They are lobbying to have personal trainers licensed just as doctors, nurses, physical therapists, pharmacist, etc all are. Please know that just because someone has the initials CPT after their name or calls themselves a personal trainer it does not make them the “expert”. There are several online programs where you can become a personal trainer in a couple hours and get “certified”, but a true personal trainer you are not. I am not in anyway trying to discredit any of the fine personal trainers out there that are not NCFS certified, because there are lots of good, ethical ones out there. It’s just a consumer beware, that’s all. I have included with this post and excerpt from the National Council on Strength and Fitness Board for Certification Portfolio Review Handbook for the Certified Personal Trainer Examination, Section 1, page 3, Overview of the NCSFBC:

The mission of the National Council on Strength and Fitness Board for Certification is to establish, assess and promote standards for fitness professionals in a continued effort to foster a high level of professional competency and ethical practice to serve the publics’ interest. National Council on Strength and Fitness
certified Personal Trainers (NCSF-CPT’s) distinguish themselves from others by having achieved a higher level of competency and knowledge, have expanded delivery of service capabilities, and are more apt to handle special populations and related training considerations.

The Purpose of the NCSFBC:
♦Promote the status and credibility of the personal training profession.
♦Safeguard the public trust by upholdingthe NCSF Code of Ethics and Standardsof Practice.
♦Develops and maintains legally defensible examinations that cover a core body of knowledge for personal training.
♦Advance uniform standards of practice and ethical conduct.
♦Offer a national certification through test facilities in every state in America.
♦Promote and monitor continuing professional development and has a recertification program so you can renew your credential.

Idiosyncrasies

Idiosyncrasies, those annoying little things that our loved ones, and hey and let’s face, that we ourselves do that drive everyone NUTS! They affect everything we do! No matter if it’s someone else’s quirks, or our own. As I travel on my journey to improve my health, shed some weight and to figure out who that lady in the mirror is, I am finding that I have quite a few personal imperfections and peculiar qualities that are driving me mad! And some of these oddities are NEW!

What might those be…ah, confessions! I have become the refrigerator/pantry Nazi…”You really need to eat that now?” With the response of, “I would like to get ingredients to make dinner dear,” or, “Does this apple meet your approval.” Oops. Since starting at the gym, the lady in the mirror has become annoyed with me as has the rest of the family because now I am frequently looking in on her. I’m checking her posture, is she standing up straight, sucking that belly in. Or I’m checkin’ her out-- look she has some shape emerging. Or criticizing her—she’s not eating right, she’s not working hard enough. Then the one that irritates me the most is the fidgety feeling I get if I don’t get to the gym by 11am. Where did this come from!!! Oh, and there’s this old embedded part of my personality of the more someone says NO, the more I say YES and vice versa—a tad bit of an oppositional defiant person I am sometimes. Sigh.

Joseph De Maistre once said, “It is one of man's curious idiosyncrasies to create difficulties for the pleasure of resolving them.” Ummm…so this made me start thinking that maybe, just maybe the things my family or friends do that irritate me, may in fact just be my own idiosyncrasies surfacing. For example, my son not making his bed in the morning boils my blood. But….he just rolls his eyes at me when I complain—which is his response to my obsessive desire of wanting his bed, which is in the basement, behind closed doors, that no one sees, made! When I looked at it that way, I rolled MY eyes! OK, I get it now, what really is the big deal!?

So over the last week or so, I decided to try and take a broader look at the behaviors of those around me as well as myself and figure out why they bother me or others. Never did figure it out, sorry to disappoint you. But what I did learn is that while the general conscientious is that idiosyncrasies are negative they can in fact be positive. While there is not much I can do to get a 16 year old boy to make his bed that is hidden from the world, I can stop obsessing over what my family eats by not bringing junk into the house. When I can’t get to the gym when I want I can remember that I will get there sooner or later.  Or when I am annoying the lady in the mirror I can remember to stop the negative self talk—see it’s positive because it’s reminding me to do something positive! Then there’s that crazed fluff lady at the gym that comes in and grunts and groans and slams the too heavy weight down and spends all but 15 seconds on a machine—she drives us all nuts! But instead of thinking bad of her, I could (and did) celebrate her efforts and go over and help her find the right weight and explain the principles of strength training and teach her some proper technique—after all I am a physical therapist and almost a personal trainer shouldn’t I use those skills!? Or when my neat freak daughter is flitting around instead of being irritated, I can be thankful she’s cleaning! And when my husband says, “Honey, wear your seat belt and turn on the lights and don’t beat on the van,” for the umpteenth bazillionth time (OMG drives me OVER THE EDGE), I can remember that it his way of saying he loves me, be careful out there.

So to finish up here I will quote Mike Leach, famed former winning head coach of Texas Tech, “I think everybody has idiosyncrasies ... You just do your deal and constantly figure out a way to do it better.”  Makes sense to me!

Coming Attraction

Idiosyncrasies, those annoying little things that our loved ones, and hey and let’s face it, that we ourselves do that drive everyone NUTS! They affect everything we do; no matter if it’s someone else’s quirks, or our own........

Life has gotten crazy again...OK and maybe, just maybe, I've gotten a little lazy with my writing...But I tell you what....I'll finish the above in a day or two and be right back on track...All I know is I have to make myself go to bed right now because it's back to work day in the morning!!!!

Fat Lady Loves Exercise!

No deep thoughts today, at least not yet...  Only that I had the absolute BEST cardio workout today.  I did 35 straight minutes on treadmill, averaging 4.5 METS.  Which for me is great!  Pulled off a 12 minute mile--slow for most, almost running for me!  Followed that with a ten nautilus machine short circuit of decreased weights with increased reps--including, get his--20 straight reps on that damn overhead press!!! Ended on the  bike for 10 minutes with average 5.8 METS.  I was icky, sticky, ringing WET from sweat and oh so feeling that endorphin high!  Yep, this fat lady is loving the exercise!

Celebration!!!

Oh, my, I forgot my celebration! Before I left the gym today I decided I would weigh myself. Last time I weighed was at my doctor appointment July 9th. I was at 223 pounds—yikes! Today….drum roll....I weighed in at 221 pounds. OMG, what a disappointment! Two lousy pounds! OK, better than nothing or gaining. But I’ve been working my butt off! Sigh, little tear. I grabbed my stuff, stomped out to the car. “Humph, is this all worth it,” I thought? I took a deep breath and reminded myself, that I’m in this to get healthy first and foremost. Grrr…I don’t feel healthier, just bone tired and sore! Another sigh and more tears…darn hormones!!!! Deep breath…dried up those tears and went and bought a BIG watermelon! But than, after settling down, I had a little epiphany! My pants are looser and wasn’t I just telling myself that I need a smaller bra (absolutely the FIRST place I lose anything!) And hey, I have gone up in weights and it’s not taking me as long to go through the circuit…oh, oh and, yes, MUSCLE WEIGHS MORE THAN FAT! So, I am celebrating 2 pounds!!!!! I’m celebrating that I do have the courage to go it alone! I am celebrating that I got over my first real slump (see yesterday’s post). And I am celebrating the encouragement of complete strangers that have become good extended friends—who knows, one day our paths might cross and we’ll actually meet! So big thanks and hugs to Cammy and Skye for their inspirational blogs and words of wisdom and to Jess (my texting buddy) who reminded me that I am sexy inside and out and who above all, helps me keep it real!

Just Me and My Shadow

OK, so I got up this morning and the sun was still shining! I took a deep breath, new day, new mind set! I had to make amends for yesterday. Still didn’t get a lot done, but enough to feel productive.

Sunday, I realized the novelty of exercising with mom has definitely worn off! I just really didn’t want to go to the gym alone. So I pouted most of the day. Then by about 6:30 pm I was just chomping at the bit to do something. Screw it! I slipped on my shoes and grabbed the dog’s leash and off we went. Just me and my Shadow (truly that’s his name!) We braved the back country roads ALONE! Shadow was a little apprehensive, initially looking back for the kids…but he soon saw the light, we were on a semi-solo mission. And OMG, we survived!

Then today, not a single soul would go to the gym with me. “Come on, just come keep me company……..” “No!” Then with a roll of my eyes and a self serving smile, I remembered that just the other day I posted a comment on Skye's the Limit encouraging Skye to walk solo if she had too, it’s her journey. So, what’s my problem!?

Once again I donn my new best friends—my gym shoes, grabbed my towel, a cup of ice and my pass key…….off to the gym I go. ALONE! Oh, I caught a break, there’s no one here! I went over and cranked up the tunes on the boom box and made sure to grab the “help I’ve fallen and can’t get up” thingy and hit the elliptical for my warm up. Can’t make a fool of myself now! Hah! About ten minutes later, this gorgeous, HOT guy walks in (Honey, I love you, but I do look! And you’re HOT too!) He gives me the thumbs up and hits the tread, feet pounding to the beat of the music. He never looked my way again (now I don't know if that's good or bad!  LOL)  I did my whole circuit, went up in weights today on everything except my nemesis—that darn overhead press up machine. But tell you what—surprised that little gremlin…did 3 sets of 8 and when I was done with everything, went back and did two more sets! I had a great day going solo at the gym!

Tick….Tick

Time. Where does it go? Why does it drag? Why can’t I use my time wisely? Have you ever gotten up in the morning and had all these plans for the day—your to do list--only to get utterly nothing done??? Yet there was absolutely no reason not to get something done?

It seems like I go through periods of my life unmotivated, so much so that it seems impossible to do the simplest task. The heaviness in my mind and on my body is sometimes so overbearing that I just want to lie down and sleep. Ah, but sleep never comes and just adds to the inertia.

Today has been one of those days. Got nothing done, didn’t even go to the gym or for a walk. Think maybe I am stressing about returning to work. Not that I don’t want to—I need the diversion, crap, I need the money! I think it’s because I’ve had all this TIME and still have a house to dig out, taxes to do (yeah I know, it’s August…). I laugh to myself as before I lost my job last year I used to wish I could just have a couple weeks, maybe a month off, to have a few days for me, then the rest to get all the stuff done that I never seem to be able to get done. Well, I’ve had more than a couple months off and have…let’s see…accomplished….nothing! Big sigh. There’s always tomorrow!