The Road Back...

There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth;

not going all the way, and not starting---Buddha

Such a simple yet powerful concept.  Well I have made those mistakes time and again.  I am hopeful that that this time I well go all the way!   Now, finding the drive to NOT be consistently inconsistent, which is often a recurring theme in my life, becomes a new focus.  This journey I started over 20 months ago has not ended, derailed maybe, but not over, not until I have finished what I set out to accomplish.

I must add that in my hiatus I have, in fact, accomplished a few things, found some resolution and even some inspiration.  So though I have spent an awful lot of time sitting on my fluffy ba-tootie, I have made some progress in my quest with the Lady in the Mirror.

That Lady in the Mirror still stares at me, still frightens me and catches me off guard, as I am sure I do to her.  However she has become accustom to my vigilant questioning and I have become more comfortable with her in my life.   Together we have become brutally honest with each other, though I admit I often ignore her.  Thank goodness she is patient with me

.

In my often inept attempts to escape reality and the stresses of life I spent way too much idle time sitting in front of this screen being unproductive, unmotivated and let’s face it, a total sloth.  And no, that is not “negative self talk” but rather a pretty true description of how I have been choosing to spend my time.  On occasion I am inspired, but usually chose not to act on that inspiration—it requires too much effort! 

So, why now?  Why have I chosen to press on?  Simply put, because I need to for myself, for my health, for my mental wellbeing and for the ones I love.  

The plan:  eat better, start moving again, stop hiding, and at the very least, complete a 5K, maybe even a Tough Mudder event!  That’s right folks, this unfit, now 50yr old, petulant woman aspires to be a Mudder!  I also plan to visit here often, continue to post on my trials and tribulations of training and getting a firm grip on my life  and finding more continuity with the Lady in the Mirror.

.

In closing, once again I choose the words of Buddha (such a wise man!):  

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past,

 worry about the future, or anticipate troubles,

but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”

Side note:  Not sure how often I will post, at a bare minimum once or twice a month, more often if time and inspiration permit…

Quitting an Addiciton

My brother-in-law posed a question on Facebook tonight... "If working out is addictive... why is it always so easy to quit?"

Well, physiologically speaking, exercise causes the body to release a variety of hormones which are endorphins. Endorphins have the same base molecular structure of morphine which we all know is highly addictive and causes one to have a sense of less stress, pain and that oh so good feeling of euphoria.

Now, chocolate contains cannabinoids and phenylethylamines which cause the same effect as amphetamines (very addicting) and causes the body to also release the wonderful pleasure producing chemicals dopamine and serotonin also giving us the feeling of euphoria.

With that said...which is easier....exercise or eating a Hershey Chocolate Bar!?

Your thoughts????

Confessions of an Obese Lady, Part 2 of ???

OK, OK, OMGodness, I have so much to confess. I have been so bad! Will not bad, just not up to my personal best. Maybe it is/was the best at the moment(s), but I gotta do better! I gotta get back on track.

First, I am NOT avoiding my blog or the blogosphere… I just can’t seem to get everything done these days.

So, confession #1: Poor time management, though I am not sure what I do with all my spare time. Well OK, still a bit too much time on the computer. At any rate, this time management thing this past week made me miss the gym—only managed two days—well two days and a 10 minute try. Ugh!

Confession #2: I have discovered I am a BIG TIME stress eater. I never knew this about myself! Since going back to work four weeks ago, I have had several stress snack attacks. These would include a two day binge on a can of Pringles (at least it took me two days!), two stops at DQ for chocolate soft serve medium cones (two different days!), honey roasted Fisher peanuts over the course of several nights while doing my “beloved” paperwork for work…ish… Oh, then the night my darling husband made apple pie, had a good sized piece, yum—and this was on one of my ice cream days—YIKES!!! I’ve had soda with dinner on five separate occasions and once more just because. Oh, then there was the four tacos instead of my usual two. Oh, my now that I think about it there was homemade french fries instead of the pears I usually have when the family has fries.  Yeah, not a good 4 weeks.

Confession #3: Total lack of will power and guilt over confession #2! Oh, I thought about it…”I really shouldn’t eat this.” But it lasted about a nanosecond!

Confession #4:  As much as I tell myself to exercise diligently, but with moderation, when I have gone the last few weeks I continue to overdo—push too hard and subsequently I can’t do as much next time. That was my whole issue this past week. I went Monday and was good—15 minutes on the tread, lifted for 30 minutes and cool down 10 minutes on bike. Then I went Tuesday. Thirty minutes on the tread 2 minute walk at a good pace and 1 to 2 minute jog…long drink of water and then 25 minutes on the bike, levels 8 to 10 1:1 intervals of 2-3 minutes each. Oh, boy, rubber legs! Few minutes to recover and get another drink and did another 30 minutes on tread. OMG! Totally exhausted, but energized at the same time. Went home, showered and did my paperwork while grazing on peanuts. Wednesday off to the gym…jumped on the tread and couldn’t even walk 10 minutes—absolutely, positively no stamina. My legs were like jello (not sore, just not there!) and I was immediately out of breath…. I sat down after a few minutes and tried again…nope it was not happening. Grabbed my towel and out the door I went—I was in the gym less than 10 minutes max. Stopped and got gas and a banana laffy taffy to drown my sorrows!

So, now that I have openly tattled on myself, I sit here and ponder what’s next… And I came up with this: I own the responsibility for the baggage I have chosen to carry. All of the issues above I chose to do, no one forced me… So now I must decide if I am ready to lay down the weight of these burdens and excuses that I have been hiding behind and truly put things in order to allow myself to succeed. And with a deep breath, I tell myself YES, I will win this battle!

Gone But Not Forgotten....AKA Balancing Act

OK, so I have been gone for a while, but I hope not forgotten.  Am desperately trying to balance my new lifestyle of exercise in with my home, leisure and work life.  And is it ever tough!   Today after work and after the gym and after the laundry, dinner and dishes, I caught up on some of the blogs I follow.  One of my favorites is The Tippy Toe Diet.  The author, Cammy, is quite motivational and apparently on her way to becoming famous (couldn't resist Cammy!)  for her success at losing a ton of weight and motivating others to get on the path to better health and fitness.  Anyway her post from August 26th was on Motivation to Move.  She asked her readers what motivated them and I posted my comment on her page.  But when I re-read it I realized it was hearty enough for a blog post of my own.  So I stole my own comment bac kand re-posted it here  (with spelling errors correct--I think lol):

I’m laughing at myself right now as I think back to the not so many weeks ago when my daughter drug me out for a walk–I hated it, but I did it, and the next day and the next….hating every single step, forcing myself to to go on with teensy-tiny goals. Get to the mail box, now that crack in the road….OMG I have to get back home… But I had to do it, I had to get healthier and lose some fluff. Than I found a gym…again, forcing myself to go…proving to my husband that IT WAS NOT as passing fancy as in the past. Now, 6-8 weeks later am a total exercise junkie! Like you, if I don’t go I get incredibly irritable–just ask my family.

Not sure what motivated me other than the absolute need to get healthier and fit and a very pushy daughter! I had become a sloth from almost 9 months of unemployment to another 3 months off for surgery just after returning to work . Everything was hard!  Just getting to the bathroom. Now, I have to work on NOT OVER DOING! Am trying diligently to find balance in getting my workouts in now that I am back to work almost full time and not over doing…

I don’t know people, the thought of exercising horrified me before…way too much effort. Now, I love it, gotta have it!! Cammy’s inspiration and words of encouragement have helped too. Good to have some outside support that’s not too close to home! I close with one of my daily motivators:

No one saves us but ourselves.

No one can and no one may.

We ourselves must walk the path.

                    —Buddha

And walk I do!!!  And lift and started jogging!!!!

Strangely Disoriented

Yep, that about sums up where I am at the present time. August 9th marked my return to work after being off almost 3 months after having girlie surgery. However, work and other responsibilities are particularly irksome to me at this time. I am struggling to find harmony in my humble life now that I am back to work. Oh my, I am so elated to be working again, but am also finding myself quite anxious to balance work time, family time, and gym time and dishes (doesn’t anyone in my household know how to do dishes!?) Guess I am out of shape in more ways than one! My quests for improved health and fitness, as well as financial stability are proving to be a bit stifling to my family and even me to a point. My family now cringes when I walk through the door still in my work uniform and not my gym clothes. And I am torn between taking on another patient for the day and having no time left over to get to the gym.

Enter the “Exercise Nazi” as my daughter now calls me. Truly folks, as I recently said, I have become totally addicted to exercise. That’s all I want to do—exercise! My dear husband asked me the other day if I was going to the gym before I came home and I told him definitely. His response was, “Good! Maybe you won’t be so crabby!” You see, in my first week back to work I only managed to get to the gym three days instead of my normal six. This week I’ve made three days so far and plan both Saturday and Sunday (though really dislike Saturdays as gym is packed.) Now that I am thinking about it, maybe, I will only go one day this weekend if at all. Let me explain.

I have learned a valuable lesson in my quest of finding balance…sort of, as I find my body and perceived lack of progress frustrating. I say perceived, because it is simply just that--this crazy, self fabricated notion that I should be stronger, have better stamina and be thinner---NOW! After all I am working my ba-tootie off! The harder and more often I workout the better the results will be is (was) my mind set. And when I can’t get to the gym, I get cranky and I feel tired. Just like any other addiction I have withdrawals. But, this crankiness and fatigue may also be attributed to something else, which brings us to my most recent epiphany. The lesson learned is that of over training or over exercising. It is NOT pretty! I have learned first hand that over training syndrome is not just for athletes. Over training effects even fluffy women!!! Hard training breaks you down, makes you weaker and leads to excess fatigue and irritability. While our bodies need to work hard to get stronger and fit, they also need adequate rest to allow the physiological adaptations to occur.

Now, you would think that being a physical therapist I would “know” about over exercising and that I would exercise responsibly and correctly. Well, yes and no. I use the appropriate principles everyday in my work. Problem is, I’m me…and things like that don’t apply to me. Yeah right! Just like most of us, there is something out there that makes us believe “it won’t happen to me.” Ummm...yeah, it will eventually if we don’t heed to everyday common sense, safety and precautions it will happen to you—you will get that speeding ticket, you will cut your finger while slicing onions....

This is what happened. Before I started back to work I went to the gym one day and started my routine. I struggled, really struggled during almost all my lifting work. Where the day before I was leg pressing 300 lbs, (my legs are strong, my upper body suck!) this day I could barely press half that. Same with everything, I had to cut back the weights by 30-50% and cut down on reps. Thirty minutes on the tread mill was impossible, after just 10 minutes I thought I was going to keel over. OMG what’s wrong with me! I left the gym that day frustrated and defeated. I took the next day off, but when I returned, I had to cut back on the weights again! I must be getting sick I thought. So I took the next two days off to rest and sleep before I went back to work. Still no clue as to why I had this decline. After my first day of work, I eagerly hit the gym once again (so proud). But that Monday, was different. I could do a little more than the last time I was there. So Thursday came and I pushed harder yet, almost back to where I was before I took that nose dive. And Friday, guess what!? I was back in the same darn boat I found myself in just the week prior. I could hardly lift anything again and the tread mill was like utter torture. I came home exhausted and in tears. WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME!?!?

That night I took a long hot bath to soak away my frustrations when, literally the shampoo bottle fell and hit me in the head and knocked some sense into me. I have been OVER TRAINING! So this week I have adjusted my routine—cut back the weight and the reps, slowed the treadmill down, increased my rest between sets…and have done much better, am feeling good again. Next week I am going to shoot for 5-6 days again, but at a lower intensity.

The old age saying of “use it or lose it” still rings true, but using it too much can result in the same loss. We all need to remember to find the middle ground, to push hard, but not overdo. We need to allow our bodies time to adjust and to heal—indulge in exercise with a healthy balance of push and rest. But above all we need to (OK I need to) remember that the changes I want will not happen over night! So, give it all you got…but do it safely and with proper balance of push and rest!

Mini Bio and Stuff

A little about me as I have yet to make time to do my bio! First I must say--wow, I blow a couple days off and now I can't stop!!!!   Ok, here we go.  I am a physical therapist for 25+ years. I have worked in most all the physical therapy settings throughout my career. I am a neurology and sports medicine nut! In the more recent years I have taken a special interest in adult and pediatric bariatrics (treatment of obesity). And because the American Physical Therapy Association does not yet have a specialist certification in those areas I have been pursuing national board certification to become a strength and fitness certified personal trainer through the National Council on Strength and Fitness (NCFS).  More on NCFS a little bit later.

OK, so why haven’t I sat for my boards yet. I am ready, very ready…but….and not an excuse, but more of a I would like to be a bit of a better example, a better reflection of what the world at large sees as a personal trainer. I don’t want to be like my mama used to say when I was little—Do as I say, not as I do-- type of trainer or even therapist! I know, I know—I should be accepting of who I am no matter what—I am working on that! So, maybe, now that I am working again (yes, today was my first day back!) in a couple months I will sit those boards! In the mean time I am going to continue to work on becoming more healthy and fit!

Bit random here tonight… But speaking of not being “that kind of therapist” I must say that now that I am on the path to wellness I certainly do appreciate the hard work my patients put forth. And with new eyes and understanding will be a bit more compassionate to their complaints that it’s hard and it hurts. Have recently learned that first hand! Also, in doing my own training, it has reminded me of better and more efficient ways to exercise them as well as myself—the same concepts in the gym can be used in the therapy room—don’t know why I forgot that!!!!

OK last word on the NCFS: NCFS is advocating universal educational and skill set standards for all personal trainers. They are lobbying to have personal trainers licensed just as doctors, nurses, physical therapists, pharmacist, etc all are. Please know that just because someone has the initials CPT after their name or calls themselves a personal trainer it does not make them the “expert”. There are several online programs where you can become a personal trainer in a couple hours and get “certified”, but a true personal trainer you are not. I am not in anyway trying to discredit any of the fine personal trainers out there that are not NCFS certified, because there are lots of good, ethical ones out there. It’s just a consumer beware, that’s all. I have included with this post and excerpt from the National Council on Strength and Fitness Board for Certification Portfolio Review Handbook for the Certified Personal Trainer Examination, Section 1, page 3, Overview of the NCSFBC:

The mission of the National Council on Strength and Fitness Board for Certification is to establish, assess and promote standards for fitness professionals in a continued effort to foster a high level of professional competency and ethical practice to serve the publics’ interest. National Council on Strength and Fitness
certified Personal Trainers (NCSF-CPT’s) distinguish themselves from others by having achieved a higher level of competency and knowledge, have expanded delivery of service capabilities, and are more apt to handle special populations and related training considerations.

The Purpose of the NCSFBC:
♦Promote the status and credibility of the personal training profession.
♦Safeguard the public trust by upholdingthe NCSF Code of Ethics and Standardsof Practice.
♦Develops and maintains legally defensible examinations that cover a core body of knowledge for personal training.
♦Advance uniform standards of practice and ethical conduct.
♦Offer a national certification through test facilities in every state in America.
♦Promote and monitor continuing professional development and has a recertification program so you can renew your credential.

Idiosyncrasies

Idiosyncrasies, those annoying little things that our loved ones, and hey and let’s face, that we ourselves do that drive everyone NUTS! They affect everything we do! No matter if it’s someone else’s quirks, or our own. As I travel on my journey to improve my health, shed some weight and to figure out who that lady in the mirror is, I am finding that I have quite a few personal imperfections and peculiar qualities that are driving me mad! And some of these oddities are NEW!

What might those be…ah, confessions! I have become the refrigerator/pantry Nazi…”You really need to eat that now?” With the response of, “I would like to get ingredients to make dinner dear,” or, “Does this apple meet your approval.” Oops. Since starting at the gym, the lady in the mirror has become annoyed with me as has the rest of the family because now I am frequently looking in on her. I’m checking her posture, is she standing up straight, sucking that belly in. Or I’m checkin’ her out-- look she has some shape emerging. Or criticizing her—she’s not eating right, she’s not working hard enough. Then the one that irritates me the most is the fidgety feeling I get if I don’t get to the gym by 11am. Where did this come from!!! Oh, and there’s this old embedded part of my personality of the more someone says NO, the more I say YES and vice versa—a tad bit of an oppositional defiant person I am sometimes. Sigh.

Joseph De Maistre once said, “It is one of man's curious idiosyncrasies to create difficulties for the pleasure of resolving them.” Ummm…so this made me start thinking that maybe, just maybe the things my family or friends do that irritate me, may in fact just be my own idiosyncrasies surfacing. For example, my son not making his bed in the morning boils my blood. But….he just rolls his eyes at me when I complain—which is his response to my obsessive desire of wanting his bed, which is in the basement, behind closed doors, that no one sees, made! When I looked at it that way, I rolled MY eyes! OK, I get it now, what really is the big deal!?

So over the last week or so, I decided to try and take a broader look at the behaviors of those around me as well as myself and figure out why they bother me or others. Never did figure it out, sorry to disappoint you. But what I did learn is that while the general conscientious is that idiosyncrasies are negative they can in fact be positive. While there is not much I can do to get a 16 year old boy to make his bed that is hidden from the world, I can stop obsessing over what my family eats by not bringing junk into the house. When I can’t get to the gym when I want I can remember that I will get there sooner or later.  Or when I am annoying the lady in the mirror I can remember to stop the negative self talk—see it’s positive because it’s reminding me to do something positive! Then there’s that crazed fluff lady at the gym that comes in and grunts and groans and slams the too heavy weight down and spends all but 15 seconds on a machine—she drives us all nuts! But instead of thinking bad of her, I could (and did) celebrate her efforts and go over and help her find the right weight and explain the principles of strength training and teach her some proper technique—after all I am a physical therapist and almost a personal trainer shouldn’t I use those skills!? Or when my neat freak daughter is flitting around instead of being irritated, I can be thankful she’s cleaning! And when my husband says, “Honey, wear your seat belt and turn on the lights and don’t beat on the van,” for the umpteenth bazillionth time (OMG drives me OVER THE EDGE), I can remember that it his way of saying he loves me, be careful out there.

So to finish up here I will quote Mike Leach, famed former winning head coach of Texas Tech, “I think everybody has idiosyncrasies ... You just do your deal and constantly figure out a way to do it better.”  Makes sense to me!