Circumstance Demon

I have attempted to write this piece several times in the past few days and not sure what the problem is as to why I can’t get a lucid thought out. Maybe it has to do with facing those demons and cutting through the little white lies I tell myself just so I can get through a day. Maybe it’s because I am still a bit under the weather… Not sure. But do know, that no matter where this post ends up taking me I will publish it today—just forgive me if it is random and all over the place.

I was going to write about the evils of corn and high fructose corn syrup (HFCS), but that is all old news. And while these compounds play a major roll in why I, and maybe even you are fat there are plenty of other demons out there that contribute to today’s obesity epidemic. And there are some specific demons that I must concur myself!

So I guess I want to start to explore some of my own demons. The thing is those demons, like just about everything else get tangled into the nasty web that makes up my excuses, my half truths and my blatant lies to myself. So I am hopeful that I can weed some of them out!

First are my circumstances. I chose circumstances because they have a lot to do with my weight issues (and my life issues for that matter). They influence my choices, my motivation, my successes and my failures.
So, what’s so bad about my circumstances? Well, I’m not so sure, other than I am not where I want to be. There are plenty of people out there that are in worse situations—but for the time being I am focusing in on my self preservation—OK, I’m an only child and a little selfish sometimes—sorry! Anyway, with the state of our economy and my personal finances it’s quite difficult to afford the healthier foods, the more natural foods. I don’t usually shop, but I went the other day and I saw these really nice oranges. I picked out 10 of them and put them in the cart. My daughter looked in the cart and said, “Mom! That’s like $10 worth of oranges!” Guess I misread the sign. I thought it said 99 cents a pound, not 99 cents a piece! That’s just ridiculous! So I got two. Doesn’t go far in a family of four! OK, so let’s try some chicken(grrr, but I can tolerate chicken)—whole chickens and legs and thighs were $2.99 a pound, breast were $3.49 a pound and ground beef was $1.09—I can get twice the meat if I get the cheep stuff! Ummm…but it’s also not as healthy! Needless to say, my anxiety took over and I put the stuff in my cart back and went home. No, my family didn’t starve—my husband went back and did the weekly shopping, as he has done the past 18 years.

So what else about my circumstances? Will, I can’t do a gym or fitness center, not that I need too, but it would make exercising more interesting and pleasurable. Oh, my, I just had a really big ah-ha moment! Fitness center, exercise….I have just been lying to myself about why I don’t exercise. I don’t need a gym—I just need to get off my ass and move, any which way! Go for a walk, take out the garbage, go get the mail, go up and down my stairs to do my own laundry and not send the kids—just go up and down the stair period, for no reason! Oh, got another one—use the elliptical that’s buried in the corner! Amazing how we lie to ourselves.

Ummm…guess what I’m gonna do tomorrow! Is a bit late to do it tonight—and that is NOT an excuse! A while ago, I decided I would do my elliptical a couple times a day—only because at the time I could only do a few minutes at a time. So, one day life got crazy and I didn’t do it. Later that night, I told myself I had to keep up with my plan so I jumped on. I did 15 minutes, no resting….got off the elliptical, sweaty as all get out, but I felt GREAT! I accomplished my daily goal! Problem was, I was pumped! Could not sleep for the life of me!!! Made a rule—exercise needs to be done before 7pm if I want to sleep! So anyway, tomorrow, I am going to do my elliptical, several times if need be to make 30 minutes—but I’m gonna do it! No excuses! My excuse today for not walking was it was too hot! And that it was and it still is at this late hour. But, as I am in my ah-ha mode right now—that’s no excuse. I can chose something else no matter what the circumstance!