Crankankerous

Totally off subject today. I am feeling quite cantankerous over life itself today, and that’s just putting it politely. Right now everything just sucks. I know that it is bad for a lot of you out there and that some of you probably are even in a more desperate situation than I am at this point. But by basic human nature, it doesn’t matter. What matters to my survival are my flipping issues. Sorry to be so cranky here folks, but I am at my wits end today.

Why is it that the people that need help the most can’t get any and the people that have everything keep getting more? Why is it that our worth and our potential are measured by a number on a page instead of looking at our character and our unique situations? Why can’t they just listen and then connect the dots?

Let me fill in some blanks here. I am the sole income earner for my family and I make a decent wage, more than most. My husband has some medical issues that prevents him from working. And because we didn’t know the system we waited too long so he can’t get disability payments. I lost my job last year in July and was on unemployment for 8 months until I found my current job. We did OK at first, getting the bills paid and putting food on the table. By January I started to fall behind. I sucked it up and went down to the food stamp office where we were denied because my unemployment check was $50 over the cut off line. Never mind that every penny of my unemployment went to pay the mortgage and the utilities. Still we got by, cutting out more and more. Though, mind you, we are not an extravagant family. We pay everything by cash. If there is any left over then maybe the kids can go to the show or bowling. We live within our means 99% of the time.

I was able to find a new job this past March, part time, no benefits; but a job at a very good rate of pay. Life was good again, we were getting caught up. Then, some health problems that I have had for a while came to a head and I ended up having to have surgery. Was accepted into a program at one of the local hospitals that covered me at 100%, thank goodness! Problem was, I had no more savings, nothing to get us through for six to eight weeks. But bless my mom, she has helped us out the whole way—she paid all of my bills during this period. But there’s no more money. I went to the doctor this past Friday, eager to be released to return to work. Well…that didn’t happen, four more weeks of no lifting, which translates into no work in my field and no paycheck for another six weeks. The HR gal was great, hooked me up with a bank that should be able to help us out with a short term loan to get us through until I return to work. She even sent over a recommendation for me. I had hope!

Well today, I got the call back from that bank, who denied my loan even if I have a co-signer, because my credit score is too low. “Yes, ma’am, I can see that prior to the last year you had good credit. But what we have to look at is the here and now.” He explained that because of my credit score, my low number, they can’t help me, bank policy you know. Never mind that your past history is good and your current situation is in the gutter. “We have to look at the number.”

So as of today, my life has been trivialized and squashed by a number.