Lady in the Mirror Beginnings

Ah, now that I am here, the question is where to begin? I guess anywhere will do. Basically I am a 48 year old woman, struggling with an assortment of life issues on a day to day basis. Probably not unlike a lot of you out there. My hope is to find a little insight, face some not so easy truths about my life and how I got to where I am right now, and perhaps, even more important for me, to find me again. I know I am not unique--well at least I hope I'm not--in this soul searching endeavor. We are all fighting our own demons--real or imagined.

You see, one day not so long ago, I stopped and took a long look at the lady in the mirror that was staring back at me. She really took me by surprise. There was a familiarity about her, yet at the same time she was a total stranger. I stared into her blue grey eyes, searching, trying to remember where I knew her from. I could see that this strange woman had a look of saddness and her own yearning for, for..something, I couldn't quite identify. It seemed the longer I looked at her, the more distraught and anxious I became. But you know what!? So did she. I could see that she too was uncomfortable and wondering about me. That brought a little mutual smile to both our faces. As a peered a little longer I saw that there were little glimmers of hope and flashes of happiness. As I walked away, I thought to myself that I really wanted to get to know who that lady in the mirror is.

You see, I seemed to have lost my way. I don't know why or when or even where I took that wrong turn and ended up, well.....lost. What happened to that carefree, active, happy, confident girl I used to be? When did I stop dreaming, stop doing the things in life that I enjoyed? And when the hell did I get fat and old!?

Oh, some of you out there may be saying--here we go again, just another middle aged woman having a mid life crisis. No, that's not what this is all about. I went through all that a few years ago (maybe more on that in a later post--who knows). What this is about, is facing the ugly truths that life sometimes throws our way, of finally being honest with ourselves instead of running away and making excuses and to stop blaming others for our poor choices. It's kinda like, if I expose my weakness, my fears, and hell, lets be honest here--face my own little white lies, make them all public, get them out of my head and out in the open that that will somehow, hopefully, help me (and maybe some of you along the way) to have to make the changes in my life that I must make in order to become healthier physically, emotionally and even spiritually.

So this is the beginnings of the journey of finding out who the lady in the mirror really is.

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